im sick, again. its not that i feel sick, its just that i am sick and it bothers me at work. i think i have an allergy to something, maybe dust or pollen, cos everytime after i run outside on monday afternoons with my squadron, i end up having the same symptoms. a runny itchy nose, watery eyes, dry mouth, and i sneeze like crazy too. coincidentally, i was reading men's health mag earlier at the lobby of the dental clinic, and they had an article about how itchiness is really internally triggered.
apparently, its triggered by histamine and a substance called substance P. then i realized, thats why i have an itchy nose, its caused by histamine.. thats why im taking anti-histamine.haha. and scratching actually just confuses the brain, hence easing the psycho-sematic stress induced by histamine. wow. i feel like a genius, i think i can be a doctor now.
5 mins into the next article.. my name was called by the dental assistant. im ready for my cleaning. its really funny how oral practitioners, who i assumed invested a lot of time, effort and money, to be the dental scholars that they are, still insist on making conversation as i lay at the chair with my motuh wide open, and as he puts half of his fist, and a whole lot of tools too, in my oral cavity. they should know by now that once a hand and a handful of tools are lodged in one's mouth, the ability to speak is not an option anymore. they should post "no talking signs" in dental clinics, just like how they do in the libraries.

oblivious/obvious
ive been trying to keep myself preoccupied just to make time fly by faster. i dunno what for. i try not to think about it too deeply, cos i dont want to be in a rutt. but its so obvious..
ive lost that something to look forward to. maybe because i know im gonna be doing what im doing for a while longer, and thinking about it or not thinkng about it will not make a lot of difference.

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guppy escape
i have a fish tank now in my room. im enjoying the sounds of running water (due to my filter) as i fall aslumber. its calming, but i can just wait for the nights when i'll be so annoyed by it, that i'll pull the plug and let the goddamn fishes die. haha. well, i dont think it will be soon. i am so infatuated with my guppies, haha. yeah, all i have in my fish tank right now are guppies, 9 guppies, 3 male guppies and 6 females. i would have had 12 by now but three of them has gone down the drain, literally, flushed even. i can just spend an hour sitting my ass on the floor as i watch my guppies live peacefully in their own little world.
i never really was an aquarium fanatic, but now im starting to understand why they love it so much. or maybe i have my own understanding of it, the time i spend just watching my guppies co-exist with each other, is another escape for me. just like how i used to put on my ear phones and play loud music on my player to drown out the beatifully harsh world of college life. or how when im stressed out at work, i run at the gym on a treadmill or the outdoor track to the shitplant. cos they all offer me the same thing. ESCAPE. escape from my reality as i see it (would it still be considered reality?).

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TO CATHY
when i was five, i met this girl. i cried cos my mom left me at school. or some stupid reason why a five year old cries at school.. but anyway, i met her. she made me stop crying. i probly didnt stop then, but i should have known right away, that for years to come. she'll still have that power over me, to make me stop crying.. to let me know that it will be ok. her name was catherine. cathy. cats. u know what i just realized too, your the only girl that ive ever introudced to my mom. and we were in pre-school back then.
its your birthday already cats, now u have to join me, jab, and nikki, in the adult world officially. ur 21, so am i? but everytime i think of u, i stilll feel like a five year old.. happy birthday cathy.. i miss you so badly, and can only love u even more than how much i miss u.

my mom always asks me "kailan ba kayo magpapakasal ni cathy? u've had a crush on her since u were five..."i finally gave her an asnwer "ma, hindi kame pwede magpakasal ni cathy.. cathy is like my.. my brother" hehehehe.

happy burpday luvee. see you soon.